Overcoming My Mid-Teen Crisis

Sunday, May 3, 2009

This year sucked for me.

I don't know why but I lost interest in everything. First it started off with school, my grades, people, and then it manifested into how little I started to read and before I knew it I lost motivation to do anything.

And I was completely aware of all this, and this just made me even more, hate life. I wanted to do better except I did not have this internal drive to push myself to do it. I came to realization early this year, that life as I knew it was over, those care free time are gone, instead it is and always will be replaced by stressful weeks that go by in a blur (and Liv did an amazing job explaining some of the things I mean here). Its like some dreadful cycling of days, weeks and months.

I wasn't always like this the whole entire year, there were times I would do good, but then I would just fall back to that same stupid mentality of indifference to my life, school, and friends.

Today, when I went to my AP World History review, my teacher was telling us how we should have already began to start studying for the exam. I haven't started but that is not what really scared me. What scared me was my attitude. The old me would have been going through a panic attack, which is acceptable (if not welcomed) in this particular situation, except I, was totally indifferent. Again, an example of lack of that most sought out, internal drive.

But then when I was talking to my mother tonight, she was talking about the future, and my career goals and I began to feel that hint of adrenaline, that long lost internal drive.

I've been dreaming of becoming one thing in my life, all my life. Sixteen years of my life I wanted to be this and I'm not going to give it up. Not now. I've been thinking about it for far to long, and its too late to go any other direction.

The whole point of this post is: I'm ready to start caring and I have found this drive, and I'm going to do better and I will do better.

So tonight, I will kick procrastination in the ass and finish my Geometry homework, work on my project, and go to school on Monday with a completely different attitude. Because baby, the old me is back!


Amee said...

I'm glad you feel better. We all go through times like those! You're not alone. ;)

Kelsey said...

so glad you're feeling better!

Heather Zundel said...

I am so glad your back and ready to kick butt! You are so amazing and I love coming to your blog. But you never said, what is it that you've been wanting to be for sixteen years?

Mishel said...

Good for you hun! Life is definitely hard but I'm so glad that it's not keeping you down at the moment. It's hard to feel inspired and to stay on track but I wish you all the luck in the world!!

YA Book Realm said...

Aww thanks guys, for all your sweet comments, it really means a lot. You guys are the best. *hugs you all*

And Heather, your right I didn't state what I've been wanting to be. I was debating whether or not to publicly state it but I just realized why not? I want to be a doctor, yes I know, pretty cliche, but its true. Ever since I was little I've been wanting to be one, partly having to do with having an awesome pediatrician and partly because I loved how I always got a lollipop when I was there. Of course, my initial reason for wanting to be a doctor has changed since then along with the type of doctor I want to be (pretty set on cardiology but its still up in the air). =)

Heather Zundel said...

That's so cool! If I didn't want to be an author more than life itself, I would want to be a pediatrician (the thing originally holding me back was the blood. Had to give up the dream of being a veterinarian when I was eight when I realized animals have blood in them too).

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